Mediation Stories
Ted and Mary - The Matrimonial Home Stalemate
Ted and Mary were married for 23 years. They are in their forties. They have three children, one of whom is at university and two who are still at home.
Ted’s position pays him about $120,000 per year. Mary works part time in the home and earns less than $20,000.
Mary has been the main care provider for the children. She wants to stay in the home and be the primary caregiver. She expects to be supported by Ted indefinitely.
Ted would like a 50-50 arrangement with the children. He concedes that Mary has spent more time with the children and has done a good job with their care. On the other hand, he has worked long overtime hours in order to make this possible. He wants to work less and spend more time with the children. He does not want to pay support forever.
Ted has been told that if he leaves the home before a final separation is reached, he will give Mary big advantages in any negotiations or litigation to follow. The atmosphere in the home is terrible — everyone is suffering.
By the time of the third session, enough financial disclosure has been assembled to allow for progress towards the final agreement. However, it is quickly apparent no progress is going to be made until the parties have physically separated. The parties are angry and frustrated with each other and with their situation. The mediator shifts the focus of the session to finding an interim agreement, which will allow Ted to move from the home without suffering any financial or legal prejudice.
Anxious to find an agreement that meets their most pressing immediate needs, the parties work effectively towards a “without prejudice” agreement. Ted’s income will continue to go into the joint account, which will continue to cover the expenses of the home. Ted will open a second line of credit against which he will be permitted to draw enough funds to cover his new out-of-home expenses to a maximum amount per month. The parties agree that Ted and Mary will share the responsibility for any overdraft from the joint account and the balance on the new line of credit as part of their equalization of property. Ted and Mary are visibly pleased with this progress and exchange their first smiles (probably for months).
At the last session, Ted and Mary meet with the mediator to review the agreement that the mediator has prepared. Each is advised to see a lawyer before signing this agreement. When they leave the session, it is clear that Ted and Mary have reached an agreement with which they are both pleased.
The key to this successful mediation was the interim agreement, which allowed Ted to leave the house. In litigation or any other power-based or rights-based process, such an agreement would not likely have been achieved. The interim agreement created the necessary atmosphere for resolution of the bigger, permanent issues.